just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
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There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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