Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
