Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
