made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
