Ambien. No doubt about it.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
