he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
