She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
either way he was missing a nipple.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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