I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
