So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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