god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
