i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
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getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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