Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
