There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
