hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I am in a vortex of obligation.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Blood and glitter go together right?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
