Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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