I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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