im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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