you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
