When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
