mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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