I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
