she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
