Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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