she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
