they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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