my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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