so let's talk penis.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
