I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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