don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
