is your mom at the bar?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
