next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize