Already got asked if we're dating
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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