Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
