My first STD was from a foam party
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
