I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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