I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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