Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
