He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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