It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
