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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  What did I say to him last night?

  (385): View more from Utah

  Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  all in all not a bad night

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.

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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.

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• (520): View more from Arizona

  if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?

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• (239): View more from Florida

  I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.

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• (510): View more from California

  I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.

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• (607): View more from New York

  we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  If I die bedazzle my coffin please.

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