Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
