Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize