So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
