Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
