Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
