It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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