it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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