I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize