just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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