...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
