I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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