I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
