Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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