so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
