After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
