I'm so fucking centered right now
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize