She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
if only i could text you this smell
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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