I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
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I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
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But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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