i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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