Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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