Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
