i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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