I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
