I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
