he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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