I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Dignity is for republicans.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
