the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
