Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
