apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
