There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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