forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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