No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
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just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
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I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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