One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
