You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
