My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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