walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
