I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
