you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Randomize
