Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
God, I missed his penis.
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