I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
