mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
