please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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