Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry Hemper hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(970): View more from Colorado

I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me

Fav 10 5291 1149
share tweet
(818): View more from California

You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.

Fav 62 1877 6632
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(405): View more from Oklahoma

This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??

Fav 6 2607 1314
share tweet
(413): View more from Massachusetts

Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories

Fav 1 1065 594
share tweet
(505): View more from New Mexico

Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.

Fav 3 474 1019
share tweet
(203): View more from Connecticut

They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.

Fav 3 929 681
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(503): View more from Oregon

Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing

Fav 0 589 464
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(910): View more from North Carolina

You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.

Fav 0 40 10
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(705): View more from Ontario

I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.

Fav 0 31 11
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT